'Intelligent Math' Next Step in Evolution of US education

Rockall Times: The American school at the centre of a debate over the teaching of evolution has announced the next phase in its plan to make its curriculum more palatable to Christians. Starting from next week, all mathematics teachers at Dover Area High School in Pennsylvania will be obliged to instruct their pupils that "one plus one equals two ...or six, depending on your point of view".

School principal Joel Riedel explained to The Rockall Times: "As Christians we believe in the concept of the Trinity and this implies that the numbers one and three are equivalent. So technically, if you add one and one together you're actually adding three and three, and when you do that... well, you do the math!"

This modification to the rules of addition is just part of a controversial theory called "Intelligent Math" which is becoming increasingly popular amongst parents who believe that conventional arithmetic is at odds with Christian teaching. The theory was created by Phillip T Gibbet, a Berkeley Law professor who admits to struggling with maths when he was at school.

Gibbet elucidated: "I tried to answer each problem I was set by adhering to strict Trinitarian principles, but for some reason I kept getting the answers wrong. Eventually I realised: either the concept of the Trinity was flawed; or the entire basis of mathematics was invalid. Naturally I decided that the latter was the case and so I set about developing my new theory."

Critics of Intelligent Math are concerned that it is erroneous and should not be taught in schools since it will lower the educational standards of the nation’s children. However, Professor Gibbet was defensive: "On the contrary, using Intelligent Math, it is possible to show that all numbers are equivalent and so, in the context of an exam, there are no wrong answers. Hence each pupil will increase their score to 100 per cent ...which of course equals 300 per cent."

The increase in popularity of Intelligent Math in recent years has been attributed to Professor Gibbet’s determination to purge mathematics of all "un-American influences". For example, sympathetic teachers at Cobb County School in Atlanta recently hit the headlines after placing stickers in "conventional" mathematics text books which read as follows:

Warning: This textbook contains Arabic numerals, algebraic equations and numerous references to the concept of zero. These innovations were all introduced by evil towel-headed Muslims who like nothing better than flying planes into skyscrapers. Students are therefore advised to approach this book with an open mind, study it carefully and then burn it in the street while singing "God Bless America".

Despite the protestations of its critics, Intelligent Math looks set to continue its advance across the country during George W Bush's second term. Indeed, sources at the White House have told The Rockall Times that the President has often employed its novel approach to arithmetic over the last four years, such as when counting votes in Florida, dealing with the federal budget, or estimating the number of civilians who died in the invasion of Iraq.
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Ski Heavenly! Or At Least Try.

My friends know I HATE Heavenly Ski Resort in Lake Tahoe. Couldn't resist editing this:

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One-In-Three US Students Are Officially Retarded Idiots.

Yahoo: One in three U.S. high school students say the press ought to be more restricted, and even more say the government should approve newspaper stories before readers see them, according to a survey being released today.

The survey of 112,003 students finds that 36% believe newspapers should get "government approval" of stories before publishing; 51% say they should be able to publish freely; 13% have no opinion.

Asked whether the press enjoys "too much freedom," not enough or about the right amount, 32% say "too much," and 37% say it has the right amount. Ten percent say it has too little.

The survey of First Amendment rights was commissioned by the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation and conducted last spring by the University of Connecticut. It also questioned 327 principals and 7,889 teachers.

The findings aren't surprising to Jack Dvorak, director of the High School Journalism Institute at Indiana University in Bloomington. "Even professional journalists are often unaware of a lot of the freedoms that might be associated with the First Amendment," he says.

The survey "confirms what a lot of people who are interested in this area have known for a long time," he says: Kids aren't learning enough about the First Amendment in history, civics or English classes. It also tracks closely with recent findings of adults' attitudes.

"It's part of our Constitution, so this should be part of a formal education," says Dvorak, who has worked with student journalists since 1968.

Although a large majority of students surveyed say musicians and others should be allowed to express "unpopular opinions," 74% say people shouldn't be able to burn or deface an American flag as a political statement; 75% mistakenly believe it is illegal.

The U.S. Supreme Court in 1989 ruled that burning or defacing a flag is protected free speech. Congress has debated flag-burning amendments regularly since then; none has passed both the House and Senate.

Derek Springer, a first-year student at Ivy Tech State College in Muncie, Ind., credits his journalism adviser at Muncie Central High School with teaching students about the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech, press and religion.

Last year, Springer led a group of student journalists who exposed payments a local basketball coach made to players for such things as attending practices and blocking shots. The newspaper also questioned requirements that students register their cars with the school to get parking passes.

Because they studied the First Amendment, he says, "we know that we can publish our opinion, and that we might be scrutinized, but we know we didn't do anything wrong."
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When Did You Decide to Become an Atheist?

Heard over at the Raving Atheist:

So, when did you decide to become an Atheist?
I was born an Atheist, I decided to become a Theist and then reverted back to my roots.
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Prayer Requests For God's Special Children

It was the "jury pool from hell," says Memphis, Tenn., defense attorney Leslie Ballin. When the jury was asked if any of them had been convicted of any crimes, many hands went up. One admitted he was arrested after he "almost shot" his nephew because the boy wouldn't come out from under his bed. Another volunteered, "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite" -- and walked out. A third said he was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer on prostitution decoy duty. "I should have known something was up," the man said, since "she had all her teeth." After finally seating a jury, Ballin's client was found not guilty.

Police in Edmonton, Alta., Canada, are investigating a man who sells "guaranteed admission into heaven" for C$20 (US$16.35). The man's web site says the certificate works without "need for confessions or penance." It's "obviously a scam," says detective Mark Johnson of the economic crimes unit.

A man guessed to be in his 30s or so attempted to rob a convenience store in Yokkaichi, Japan, while dressed in a full, head-to-toe, monkey costume, but he got cold feet and fled. It is of course not clear why one would decide to commit the crime in a "disguise" that guaranteed that he could not escape unnoticed.

Two 18-yr-olds forced a woman to go buy them PlayStations and some other things with her credit card while they held her boyfriend hostage. (She went inside and called the cops, and the kids panicked and drove away with the boyfriend, but stopped when they realized the cops outnumbered them by approximately a zillion to two, and then, at the last minute, the more optimistic of the two kids tossed his gun in the boyfriend's lap and said, "Tell the cops it's your gun.")
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Loyalty In Marriage

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what?

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me."
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In The Interest of National Security . . .

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A Founding Father Speaks Out About Religion

Man once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind.
-Thomas Jefferson to James Smith, 1822.

Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.
-Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia, 1782

Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear.
-Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Peter Carr, August 10, 1787

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Online Fraud and Identity Theft - Please Pass This On.

Still afraid of Online Banking? Using Microsoft Money? Brothers and Sisters - Get Wise!
Wired: Despite growing fears about online fraud, a new study finds that most cases of identity theft originate offline.

Most often, a lost or stolen wallet or checkbook gives thieves information to commit fraud. Computer crimes made up just 12 percent of all identity fraud cases last year in which the cause is known; of those, half are attributed to spyware -- software that sneaks onto computers and can send back private information.

"Most people's identity is being stolen in traditional ways," said Ken Hunter, president and chief executive of the Better Business Bureau, which conducted the study with Javelin Research.

CheckFree Services, Visa USA and Wells Fargo Bank -- three companies that promote online banking and other services -- sponsored the study, which also found that identity fraud is often committed by a friend, relative, in-home employee or someone else known by the victim.

The study also found that those who access their bank accounts online can detect identity theft earlier and thus minimize losses.
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