An Apology

I don't know what came over me. We all have those silly thoughts that run through our heads sometimes but we dare not say them out loud and I think somehow, last night, the wires got a little crossed. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my behavior, which, I can assure you, was a complete anomaly and will never happen again.

In case you forgot:

You handed the cashier lady a coupon for something or other and she replied back to you, "this is expired." You seemed a bit flustered. Perhaps it was the slightly rude way in which the check-out lady said it. Perhaps you are a bit obsessive compulsive. But I assure you, it was quite an honest mistake.

Why I would then proceed to yell "Oh! In your face!" is beyond me.

I thought it in my head - joking with myself as I'm often apt to do. But the synapses just weren't firing correctly or something. It was instinct in it's purest form.

Believe me, I was just as embarrassed as you and the check-out lady - perhaps even moreso, as the three of us stared at each other in bewilderment, like some bizarre love triangle. Were it not for the chuckling of the people behind me, that uncomfortable silence might have lasted for an eternity.

I am so sorry for any discomfort I may have caused you. But then again, serves you right for trying to save 23 cents on a Lean Cuisine.
[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (Simpsons, Duh!)

Craigslist: To the Indian IT guy at my office, whose name is pretty much impossible to pronounce correctly - I know this sounds bad, but part of being an American is getting a nickname when your real name is too difficult to pronounce. You see me in the hall, and say hello, and DARE me to try to say your name. I DON'T, and then you go back to wherever it is your group dwells, and you tell the other Indian IT guys what a dick I am for not taking the time to learn to pronounce your 36-letter first name.

I wouldn't be surprised if there were oomlots, a percentage sign and a number in your first name. Keep saying hi to me in the halls, and you are going to be "Jugdish" from now on...tell me THAT won't catch on in the office!
[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

No Sex Tonight

Craigslist: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

Chris Rocks Comments on President Bush at the Oscars

"A lot of people like to bash Bush. I'm not gonna bash Bush here tonight. I saw Fahrenheit 9/11, I think Bush is a genius. I thought Bush did some things this year, you, nobody in this room could do. Nobody in this room could pull off ok? Cause Bush basically reapplied for his job this year.

Now can you imagine applying for a job, and while you're applying for that job, there is a movie in every theater in the country that shows how much you suck at that job?" (Laughter)

I'd be hard to get hired wouldn't it?(Laughter)

Now I watched Fahrenheit, I learned some stuff man. Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job, man. Never, ever, ever.

When Bush got into office he had a surplus of money. Now there's like a $70 trillion dollar deficit. Now, just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

You're closing out your register, and there's $70 trillion dollars short.(Laughter)

The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right?(Laughter-Applause) Not Bush, no.

He started a war, that's cool, support the troops, he started a war. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

You're $70 trillion behind on your register, and then you start a war with the Banana Republic...(Laughter) 'cause you say they got toxic tank-tops over there.(Laughter)

You have the war. People are dying. A thousand Gap employees dead, that's right, bleeding all over the khakis.(Laughter)

You finally take over Banana Republic and find out, they never made tank-tops in the first place.(Laughter-Applause)
[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

Tomato Tomatoe

[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

Watch For UFO's Tonight!

Tonight Michael Shermer will be featured, along with other UFO skeptics and believers, in addition to SETI scientists, from 8-10pm on the ABC special Peter Jennings Presents....

The UFO Phenomenon -- Seeing Is Believing
Two-Hour Primetime Special Airs Thursday, Feb. 24 at 8 p.m.

[News Release from ABC News] Feb. 4, 2005 -- Almost 50 percent of Americans, according to recent polls, and millions of people elsewhere in the world believe that UFOs are real. For many it is a deeply held belief.

For decades there have been sightings of UFOs by millions and millions of people. It is a mystery that only science can solve, and yet the phenomenon remains largely unexamined. Most of the reporting on this subject by the mainstream media holds those who claim to have seen UFOs up to ridicule.

On Feb. 24, "Peter Jennings Reporting: UFOs — Seeing Is Believing" takes a fresh look at the UFO phenomenon. "As a journalist," says Jennings, "I began this project with a healthy dose of skepticism and as open a mind as possible. After almost 150 interviews with scientists, investigators and with many of those who claim to have witnessed unidentified flying objects, there are important questions that have not been completely answered — and a great deal not fully explained."

"Peter Jennings Reporting: UFOs — Seeing Is Believing" airs Thursday, Feb. 24 from 8-10 p.m. ET on ABC. The program will be broadcast in High Definition.

This two-hour primetime special reports on the entire scope of the UFO experience — from the first famous sighting by Kenneth Arnold in 1947 to the present day. The program draws on interviews with police officers, pilots, military personnel, scientists and ordinary citizens who give extraordinary accounts of encounters with the unexplained. Also included are the voices of professional skeptics about UFOs, including scientists who are leading the search for life forms beyond Earth elsewhere in the universe.

The program explores the facts behind the enduring mystery of the incident at Roswell, N.M., and looks into the strange stories of alien abductions. Among the UFO cases presented:

Minot Air Force Base, N.D., October 1968 — Sixteen airmen on the ground and the crew of an airborne B-52 witness a massive unidentified object hovering near the base.

Phoenix, March 1997 — Hundreds witness a huge triangular craft moving slowly over the city.

St. Clair County, Ill., January 2000 — Police officers in five adjoining towns all independently report witnessing a giant craft with multiple bright lights moving silently across the sky at a very low altitude.

Today if you report a UFO to the U.S. government you will be informed that the Air Force conducted a 22-year investigation that ended in 1969 and concluded that UFOs are not a threat to national security and are of no scientific interest. But as one of the world's leading theoretical physicists says in the program, "You simply cannot dismiss the possibility that some of these UFO sightings are actually sightings from some object created by … a civilization perhaps millions of years ahead of us in technology."
[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

Evolution vs. Intelligent Design vs.Take Your Pick!

[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

Pope Battles Dove, Seeks Career Change

A recent battle with the physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit has the Pope feeling renewed and considering a career change. Other websites and blogs are reporting doves are the symbol of peace. Wrong kiddies. In Christianity it is the symbol of the Holy Ghost / Holy Spirit. The dove is a symbol of the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, because of Matt. 3:16 "And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.

The battle led to an adrenaline surge in the aging pontiff who has now apparently turned his eyes toward the NHL. He was reportedly heard mumbling "Bring it on!" This was, of course, foreshadowed back in 1999 during the Pope's visit to St Louis where he remarked, "So I am prepared to return once more and play hockey!" Right on! Go Pope!

This could bring a whole new meaning to the term "Hat Trick." [What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]

American Soldiers Get Free Ecstasy - From Uncle Sam!

Guardian UK: American soldiers traumatised by fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan are to be offered the drug ecstasy to help free them of flashbacks and recurring nightmares.

The US food and drug administration has given the go-ahead for the soldiers to be included in an experiment to see if MDMA, the active ingredient in ecstasy, can treat post-traumatic stress disorder.

Scientists behind the trial in South Carolina think the feelings of emotional closeness reported by those taking the drug could help the soldiers talk about their experiences to therapists. Several victims of rape and sexual abuse with post-traumatic stress disorder, for whom existing treatments are ineffective, have been given MDMA since the research began last year.

Michael Mithoefer, the psychiatrist leading the trial, said: "It's looking very promising. It's too early to draw any conclusions but in these treatment-resistant people so far the results are encouraging.

"People are able to connect more deeply on an emotional level with the fact they are safe now."

He is about to advertise for war veterans who fought in the last five years to join the study.

According to the US national centre for post-traumatic stress disorder, up to 30% of combat veterans suffer from the condition at some point in their lives.

Known as shell shock during the first world war and combat fatigue in the second, the condition is characterised by intrusive memories, panic attacks and the avoidance of situations which might force sufferers to relive their wartime experiences. Dr Mithoefer said the MDMA helped people discuss traumatic situations without triggering anxiety.

"It appears to act as a catalyst to help people move through whatever's been blocking their success in therapy."

The existing drug-assisted therapy sessions last up to eight hours, during music is played. The patients swallow a capsule containing a placebo or 125mg of MDMA - about the same or a little more than a typical ecstasy tablet.

Psychologists assess the patients before and after the trial to judge whether the drug has helped.

The study has provoked controversy, because significant doubts remain about the long-term risks of ecstasy.

Animal studies suggest that it lowers levels of the brain chemical serotonin, and some politicians and anti-drug campaigners have argued that research into possible medical benefits of illegal drugs presents a falsely reassuring message.

The South Carolina study marks a resurgence of interest in the use of controlled psychedelic and hallucinogenic drugs. Several studies in the US are planned or are under way to investigate whether MDMA, LSD and psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, can treat conditions ranging from obsessive compulsive disorder to anxiety in terminal cancer patients.
[What Do YOU Think? Comment on this Post!] [Testify!]