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1) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
2) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
3) If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
4) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it’s fucking beef.
5) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
6) Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
7) If you’re holding a gun to Jack Bauer’s head, don’t count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. (this was one of the best TV lines ever…I cracked up when I heard him say this)
9) Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
10) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
11) Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12) When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, “You’re in good hands with Jack Bauer”.
13) Jack Bauer once won a game of rock paper scissors using neither rock, paper nor scissors.
14) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.
15) When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
16) Jack Bauer once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
17) Tom Jones throws his underwear on stage for Jack Bauer.
March 6th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
MAN! That was fantastic!